When you are all alone and have nothing but the trees for comfort, do you let all your masks fall? Do you temporarily forget everyone important in your life? When you feel lonely and vulnerable, who do you turn to? I hope the answer is yourself. When there is no one left to perform for and you can finally be yourself, I hope the feeling is freeing.
As humans I think the thing most of us crave is freedom. The constraints of society are getting tighter and tighter, the children are growing up in a world where technology has basically overtaken us and in a world that is being destroyed as we breathe. It’s important we remember that the cage we are in is made up by our minds. We can escape whatever hell we are living in by recognising we are the ones in the way of our own freedom.
Sometimes we are so polite, so nice, so giving and ready to please, that putting ourself first can sometimes slip through all of that. Especially women. The standards that women have to meet in the eye of society is insane and absurd. We should be able to live our lives, the way we want to, without judgement, harassment, or having to listen to people whining in our ears.
Freedom is my greatest desire. That is my true honesty. And unfortunately, in the world we live in today, if you are not a millionaire, freedom is impossible to attain. I am free from my yachting career, to simply be chained to another form of life. Maybe my definition of freedom is warped, but every person has a different perspective and understanding of what freedom means to them.
When I am feeding my horses, or playing with my cats or even talking to someone, I have this small feeling in my chest that tightens around me until I push it away. A feeling of the desire to be truly free. In a corrupted world, a “man’s world,” freedom becomes harder and harder to obtain.
I am not by all means saying I am living a bad life, but I, too, am allowed to feel those hidden desires that no one really talks about. I am grateful for my home, my animals, my family, I have preached about gratitude before, but that doesn’t mean we have to be or feel perfect every second of every day.
It’s okay to want to run away, disappear from the world, and live in solitude. At this point it’s a lot of people’s dream because of how messed up our society is. When no one is around, and I can drop my mask, I let nature see me for who I really am. I don’t need to smile, I don’t need to laugh, I don’t need to say anything to be understood by the trees that stay rooted in the ground, by the winds that howl late in the night when the world has gone quiet, by the angry rain that pours down. Because each element of nature is within me. I am already understood without pleading and explanation.
When no one is around, my breathing becomes deeper, my muscles become completely relaxed and my nervous system is at ease. My brain goes quiet and my heart steadies. My head in the grass, my eyes to the sky, wishing for more peace and freedom than anything else in this world. Everyone is always chasing after something, as if when we were born something was planted in our heads that we need to chase this one thing our whole lives otherwise we are a failure. That could be money, for most people, love for others, a certain body figure, an unhealthy obsession for perfection. Each specific thing that someone is chasing is different for everyone. And they shouldn’t be judged for that.
My specific thing is freedom. Mine may sound puny and pathetic, because to others freedom is a silly notion obtainable in many other ways. But not to me. If I am not free, I will feel like a failure. And I should not be judged for that.
If the world was different, not overcrowded, not ruled by money, maybe the specific thing I am chasing would be different. Maybe I wouldn’t even need to chase anything. But the world I am living in is slowly losing life and colour in the natural world, which completely breaks my heart. To know that people care more about AI and technology than the trees we use to breathe air, the water in the springs we use to drink from, and when nothing is left, money will not matter. Neither will your success. Or my freedom. Because nothing will matter. I will continue to chase my freedom, find more time to be in solitude with Mother Nature and protect my Earth as much as I possibly can, as a single one woman in a population of almost ten billion people in the world. Because in the end Mother Nature is all I have, the only one in my life who sees me for who I really am and has no reserved judgement for me or my womanly emotions.
