I have fallen in love with the gym. And that is an understatement. I never really understood what was so great about it and why people became obsessed with it, until it happened to me too. During my yachting years, I did crave stability and a regular work out routine in an actual gym, but with the amount of work and traveling involved, it was near impossible.

I sometimes tried to exercise onboard, but I never felt fully disciplined or motivated or even completely comfortable. So my workout journey has always been up and down, and I used to just say that work was enough, to keep me fit and keep the weight off. I never actually managed to get a full step count from a day of work on the yachts, but I can imagine that I ran around and completed 20k steps or even possibly more, because of how intense the work was.

What I never managed to avoid was running. Ever since I was on my first boat, I always did my best to get a run in. That was truly the one thing I never needed any motivation for, because it was something I loved. I still love it. I have been a running athlete since high school and my love for running has never dissipated or disappeared. Running along the promenades of the marinas was definitely uplifting and freeing if I had had a bad day or needed to release pent up energy.

Leaving the yachting industry has granted me the luxury of more stability and freedom with the things I choose to spend my time on. I had signed up to the gym with my mom when I was a teenager, and was there for about a year or so, but I feel now, looking back, that I was in fact too young to appreciate the capabilities the gym allows you to build within yourself. I only frequently used the treadmill (I always aimed to run for 5km) and the dance studio when no one was there, I was too intimidated to attempt to do anything in the weight section.

Returning to the gym, the same gym I went to as a teenager, now at the ripe age of 24, is refreshing and prideful. I feel so much more grateful for all the utilities that are at hand and the goals I am able to work towards in the gym. I signed up at Kyalami Virgin Active on June 22^nd, ready to change my body and mind for the better. I feel that signing up again is one of the best decisions I have made in a long time.

I have tried many times when I was in between jobs to work out in my room or on the patio, but it’s just not the same as going to an actual gym. I used to at least keep up with my running whenever I was home, jogging along the road everyday to keep myself active and somewhat fit.

Now that I have full access to one of the greatest gyms in my city, I feel empowered and as if I can take on the world. I love the weight section more than anything else, and as time as gone by,  have learnt what each machine is for and how to incorporate it into my workouts properly so that I am not wasting my time or my potential. I feel stronger, healthier and happier since joining.

I will not lie and sugar coat and say I have seen a massive difference in my physical body, because the truth is I haven’t seen any difference since signing up, but I know that does not mean I should quit or that it’s not working. Diet is truly the most important part of anyone’s health journey. My diet is has not always been the cleanest, but it is something I am working on and trying my best to fix and make better. Unfortunately, I am addicted to sugar and chocolate. These past few weeks I have been limiting myself throughout my journey more than I have ever limited myself before. And it’s been hard. So hard that I try find ways to replace it with something else. Maybe chocolate chip yogurt, maybe heated up macaroni and cheese with tomato sauce, simply to fill that void of craving.

It is not an easy or smooth sailing process, but I know that it is one that is worth it. I know that I am doing right by myself by changing every afternoon into my workout clothes, driving myself to the gym and walking in and starting. I know that by denying myself that KitKat or Dairy Milk chocolate bar, I am doing right by myself. I also know that it’s okay to slip up sometimes.

Sometimes it’s easier to slip up when one has their monthly menstrual cycle. Which is completely validated and a normal response to something so hormonal. I dare deny myself chocolate or something sweet during that time of the month, I would go insane! What’s important is that I manage to get myself back on track, to remind myself that there is no point in going to the gym and doing all these workouts if I am not at least trying to eat healthier.

I cannot believe that I all I used to want was to be skinny, have no fat and be a size zero. No judgement to those who have that body type, but as someone who has felt insecure about her body most of her life and has always had comparison issues, I feel awake now that I have new goals, have a different way I want to be. I want to be strong, strong enough to hold myself up, to protect myself, I want to be toned, not skinny, I want to feel fit and be active, not a Barbie doll. As I have gotten older, I realised that even if I really wanted to, I would never be able to be skinny like some of the women I see on TV, but, I am able to grow strong and toned, which is more than perfect for me.

Even though I may not see or feel any differences right now, since it’s really only been two months since joining the gym and these kinds of things take time, I know that one day, I will wake up, and I will see that I am more toned, I have developed more muscle over fat and my clothes will tell the true story of my fitness progress. For now, I must simply trust the process, work hard on eating clean and keep showing up. I know already that I am not showing up for anyone else but myself, I am worthy of the rewards from my hard work, I deserve to feel strong and healthy and happy in my skin and I know that in the end, aging will simply become easier and easier for me, knowing that I care about myself, about my body, about the bones that hold myself up together and the muscle that is waiting to grow.